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Catherine
Member
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Posted: Wed Jun 11th, 2008 06:18 pm |
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Three and a half years ago my husband and I lost our first child a few hours before she was born. Her name was Abigail Grace. You can see our story at our website http://www.thearnspergers.com.
One thing I learned with losing an unborn baby was the grief was really hard. Grief is unpredicatable. I'd be strong one minute, a sobbing mess the next, and then in denial just moments later. I hated the feeling of that unpredictability. I felt so out of control after having lost Abigail (total surprise...went in to be induced and she had died in the night before) and then now my emotions and reactions to her death were so impossible to control.
We had pictures taken by a friend of ours who was there at the hospital before I delivered and learned that pictures are good for the parents. She has been doing photography for a hobby and her pictures are our treasures.
The hospital took their own, of course. And when I got them, I hated them. I remember getting them in a folder at one of my follow-up doctor's office visits (had a c-section) and that I didn't look at them right away. I didn't react much because I knew they were going to be there and I was prepared to receive the folder.
I wasn't prepared to see the pictures. They were not as flattering as the pictures our friend took for us. I hid them away for months.
One thing I did do in the earliest stages of grief was to scrapbook. I haven't ever scrapbooked before, but I wanted a special place to put everything that was hers...her footprints, handprints, hospital bracelet, sympathy cards... So, I worked through all the pictures our friend took. Very hard. Took me months to get it all done. Then, toward the end of that project, I pulled out the pictures from the hospital and was able to scrapbook those. By that time I was able to be more objective. Now I have three scrapbooks of pictures/memories and one for just cards. I feel like I have all my memories in one place and Abigail's two brothers and future siblings will get to know her as we did.
I am posting this story to see if others might take comfort from my story. Are you feeling grief that overpowers you? If you haven't already, consider trying some of the things that are out there to aid you in grief. I personally did all of the following and I would do it the same way again:
1. Joined a grief support group that had a start date and an end date. It was a course, really, where they taught us about how to greive.
2. Read lots of books about grief, where my baby is (heaven)...
3. Got a counselor and my husband and I saw her for two years after losing Abby. This was my husband's favorite solution to dealing with greif. She was been a God-send.
4. Spent lots of time on chatboards like this.
5. Started an anti-depressant under a doctor's supervision and used them for a short period of time.
Love,
Catherine
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Denise
Member
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Posted: Tue Jun 17th, 2008 10:43 pm |
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| Thank you so much for sharing your heart, Catherine. You have touched mine in reading it! God bless you and your family and may he cradle your sweet Abby in his arms.
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